Rules of Engagement, Or Why Democrats Should Behave Like They’re in Whole Foods on a Thursday Night

Whole Foods Parking Lot
This week was an exciting week. Thanks to Jill Robinson, a piece I wrote was posted on the Huffington Post. You can read the post here, and I’ve reposted the text below.


Machiavelli said, “Make mistakes of ambition and not mistakes of sloth. Develop the strength to do bold things, not the strength to suffer.”

Congressional Democrats would do well to heed such advice as they face the mid-term election in just over a fortnight. President Obama’s approval rating may be at an all-time low, but he got the Affordable Care Act passed and it’s working. Millions of people currently have health care who didn’t have health care a year ago. Sure, it was hard, and there were some bumps in the road (can you say “worst website EVER!”), but America has inched a tiny bit closer to the national health care standards set by countries like Sweden, the United Kingdom, and even Canada.

This is a giant feather in the Dems’ cap and what are they doing with it? Nothing. Not a darn thing. Congressional Democrats are letting the Republicans drive the story points in almost every race across the country. OK, we better beef up our armed forces otherwise ISIS is going to hit U.S. soil TOMORROW. But, wait, we can’t forget about closing our borders so that Ebola doesn’t wipe out half the population. Or maybe the best course of action is to reduce taxes, allow open carry, ban gay marriage, and put prayer back in schools. How about that?

What the Democrats need to do is pretend they’re at Whole Foods on a Thursday night. What they need to do, right now, is imagine themselves turning their Prius/Volt/Tesla into the store’s parking lot, only to realize, too late, that they turned down the parking aisle in which a medical-marijuana-toasted, middle-aged dude with no back-up camera on his beat-up, copper-colored Saturn repeatedly backs out of, and then into, a compact space that’s too compact for his mid-sized sedan. When faced with this situation, any self-respecting Democrat would see danger ahead and spy the hipster family walking straight towards their aisle carrying a mere two bags of groceries. Most intelligent Democrats would immediately turn on their blinker so as to warn all around them that they “own” the space soon to be vacated by said hipster family. If anyone else dare get near the soon-to-be-empty space, all REAL Democrats would honk and curse out the window to warn off the predators. But when faced with an opponent from the opposite party, no, they simply sit silently in their car and wish the crazy medical-marijuana-man away. It ain’t gonna happen. Ever.

What Congressional Democrats need to do, now, is go on the offensive. They need to remind Americans that the President’s party kept its promise to provide affordable health care to all. They need to remind Americans of the ridiculous lengths the Republicans went to to scare people into thinking the President, and his party, were going to turn this country into a Socialist state. You don’t hear Republicans referring to “Obamacare” now, do you? No, because they study Machiavelli and they know that “fear preserves you by a punishment that never fails.” Yep, the Republicans have the fear thing down. They realize Americans aren’t fearful about health care anymore, so they’ve turned our attention to ISIS and Ebola and higher taxes.

What the Democrats need to do, now, is use Machiavelli’s principles to direct voters’ attention to the fact that Republicans tried to block their access to affordable health care. When they lost that battle, Republicans even tried to reverse the Affordable Care Act. What Democrats need to do, now, is remind Americans that if they vote for a Republican, they are voting against access to vaccines for children, cheaper medications for seniors, and wellness care for all Americans. What Democrats want is to be loved by their constituents, but Machiavelli tells us that it’s better to be feared than loved because love is fickle while fear is not. Machiavelli is right.

The Democrats have the killer instinct in them. They do. They have searing ambition, which can blind them to the thin, gray line between ethical and unethical. Democrats have the potential to subsume their interest in others to their interest in themselves. But they have a problem. Their Achilles heel is they want to be loved. Their need for love seriously hinders their chances of winning the mid-term elections.

What Congressional Democrats need to do, right now, is pretend they got that parking space from the hipster couple and they are in line at the deli counter in Whole Foods on a busy Thursday night. There’s a confused, old man, with dirty pants, in front of them and he’s just put his little paper number on the deli counter for a second while he digs in his sticky pants pockets for a snotty hanky, or something. What Democrats needs to do, right now, is quickly switch their higher number with the dirty man’s lower number, which is the next one due to be called. If the smelly, confused man realizes something is wrong, the Democrats need only to begin ordering loudly and then answer an imaginary call on their Bluetooth earpiece.

I know the Democrats can do this. I have seen them at Whole Foods on a busy Thursday night, doing whatever they need to do to get their artisanal ham and hand-crafted, soft cheese. I have seen them.

It is better to be feared than to be loved.

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I Want President Robot

barack obama wax figurebarack obama animatronic

OK, I used to work there so I have a soft spot in my heart for Disney. However, when they make animatronic figures of living people they just don’t turn out very well.

The picture on the right shows Barack Obama as an animatronic figure in the Hall of Presidents at Walt Disney World. The picture on the left shows the Madam Tussauds wax figure of Barack Obama.  I think the guy on the left looks more like the real guy, no?

Kudos to Disney for bringing history to life but work on those facial features!

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Kitties and Politics

See more Natalie Portman videos at Funny or Die

Please view this message from the two smartest women in politics.

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We’ll Always Have Paris

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

Loves it!

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Palin Must Be Stopped

palin pic

Someone sent this picture to me today. I know it’s cynical and mean but I think it’s very true.  This gal in inexperienced and IMHO downright dumb.  Her ambition seems so big that she’ll do almost anything to get ahead.  She uses her youngest child, who has Down’s Syndrome, like he’s a commercial prop.  She trots out her teenage, pregnant daughter as something she’s proud of.  She probably is very proud of her daughter because she enables Sarah Palin to prove that she LIVES her pro-life values.  All of us have worked with someone like this.  Please do what you can to make sure she doesn’t get near the White House.

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Tommy Smothers Has Some

tommy smothersThank goodness for Tommy Smothers.  When they gave him his Emmy for writing (40 years late) he had the guts to speak his mind and the Emmy director didn’t cut away (like he did with everyone else who said anything political).  In his acceptance speech Tommy Smothers said, “It’s hard for me to stay silent when I keep hearing that peace is only attainable through war. And there’s nothing more scary than watching ignorance in action … The freedom to hear is just as important as the freedom of speech.”

People, we need to stand UP and make ourselves heard.  If we don’t we’ll get four more years of the same and we’ll be a hearbeat away from armageddon. Donate to Barack Obama’s campaign here.  Register to vote here. Find your local polling place here.

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Matthews and Olberman OUT as Anchors

No Censorship imageKeith Olberman and Chris Matthews no longer will be anchoring MSNBC’s news coverage. They will be replaced by David Gregory and the two journalists will be used as commentators. The reason behind the change is that the net feels they were too opinionated, to the left, during the Republican National Convention. Um, has anyone watched Fox news lately? Even Brian Williams gets in a righty comment every once in awhile. I bet I can tell you 90% of every journalist’s voting record. Humans are subjective. What’s wrong with a little left-leaning editorializing?? I just returned from Europe and if you watch CNN international the anchors are CLEARLY pro-Republican. It seems like censorship to me that they have removed these guys from their positions. What the Republicans are good at, and the Democrats are terrible at, are organizing and vocalizing around a cause. They get results. SOMEONE in the media should make a BIG deal about this. It’s just wrong.

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